Gilmore girls and not getting over it

I've discovered that 2 1/2 seasons straight of Gilmore Girls (don't ask how many hours that means I spent in front of the dvd player), combined with excess spare time, too much food, and difficult discussions with Frank, led to me having a difficult time keeping moodiness at bay. At least I can blame mom and Michelle for getting me hooked on Gilmore Girls. :-) Since I have noticed my tendency to begin to emulate characters (and people) I spend a lot of time around, perhaps I should watch a series with more emotionally stable characters. At least I know better than to watch movies with axe murderers in them. ;-)

Applications

If it seems like I've dropped off the end of the earth, never to be seen again, I have. I'm currently dwelling in the limbo of grad-school application madness. I am consumed by my application essay (which I must create 11 different drafts of - one for each school). It is supposed to be a statement of purpose describing why I want to study philosophy, what preparation I have had for this (none), why I want to study at each specific school, and perhaps what I intend to do with my degree. Trying to write it is unpleasant, but at least it did spawn this much more true-to-me and quite accurate account, which I will not send to a single place I am applying. This is for those of you who want to know the real reason I'm applying to graduate schools in philosophy:

I plaster myself to windows in the winter when it snows, transfixed by the falling lightness. A snowflake weighs .000001 gram. But they can fall by the millions, and they do. It takes time, though - the slow and steady buildup of lightness that lends itself to heaviness when taken as a whole. Time is the master-builder.

In time, snow seeps into the gritty winter earth, providing groundwater for spring. The bursting forth of spring has its foundation in the winter's steady snow.

I see in snowflakes the pattern of my thoughts. I pride myself on my rationality and my painstaking analysis of life, events, and relationships - it is my source of sanity. But there are times when certainty wells up slowly from within me, rather than being motivated by a single external stimulus or event. Thoughts, feelings, and desires fall into place like snowflakes, and gather themselves into a purpose.

The philosophy of religion class I took in my junior year of college revolutionized my view of schoolwork. I couldn't get back to my dorm room fast enough to plunge into the works of great thinkers, pick them apart, shove the pieces under the microscope, and then write about what I saw. Never did I gain such pleasure from my science labs. No other subject so incited me to initiate riotous dinner conversations with my friends. But, it was spring of my junior year, and changing majors then would have resulted in an undergraduate career of more than four years. My pride would not allow that, and neither would my scholarship. So I dropped the idea of pursuing philosophy. Not enough snow had fallen.

My senior year, I filled an open slot in my schedule with an introduction to philosophy course - to get an overview. I figured it couldn't hurt. More snow fell.

The deepest snowfall has been in my previous year teaching environmental education to 3-5 year olds. Any mother knows that the moments of greatest clarity and decision in life often come when faced with small screaming children. All levity aside, my desire to pursue a graduate degree in philosophy is deeply tied to my drive to teach.

A true teacher does not inundate students with facts, figures, theories and formulas. Rather, she aides in opening the mind, equipping the student with tools to make sense of his/her world and experience - the tools that allow him/her to solve problems and arrive at inventive solutions. The most important skills a student can develop are the capacity for reason and the ability to communicate effectively.

Philosophy focuses on just these skills. It provides a synthesis of all of the seemingly fragmented disciplines, because it gets to the heart of the question - mankind's struggle to understand the world. By teaching philosophy, I would enable students to further develop their capacity to question deeply, analyze thoroughly, spot flaws in arguments, and write in a decisive, lucid, and convincing manner.

Scheming Standardized Test-Making Nazis and Evil Capitalistic Programmer Pigs Convene

Thus making my life miserable. ETS charges you $15 for each school you want to send your GRE scores to. I'm applying to 11 places. It stinks. Also today, my hotmail account decided to randomly delete my messages from the last 3 months, many of which were important, leaving intact all of the useless mail that has been sitting in my box for years (literally).

Cake and Costumes

October is always a fun time for me. I can't argue with a month that has both my birthday and Halloween in it. For my birthday, we went to Bennigans, went out dancing, and had a celebration with Frank's dad and Annett. Frank bought me the first birthday cake I've had in almost five years, which was sweet of him. It also had roses on it and was yummy. Can't ask for more than that. :-)

For Halloween, I wanted to dress up and go to costume dances. Fortunately, Frank was willing to oblige and chose Zorro and "his girl" from the list of potential costume options I had made up. Frank looked great, and I loved the way he used his cape as a prop while dancing. We both had fun getting into character. I half expected that we would inadvertently cause some poor older lady or gentleman to have a heart attack with the way we were dancing, but no-one keeled over. They actually complimented us. Never underestimate an 89-year-old who can dance the tango.

General Updates

I'm publishing many entries all at once to make up for my general lack of records (not that anyone's reading anyhow ;-)) So, the news - I'm applying to 11 different graduate programs in philosophy. 9 are masters programs with 2 doctoral programs as my long shots. I took the GRE and I'm working on the applications. I'm still working at the private school near Chicago, which is going well. Another ongoing thing is that Frank and I are hoping to enter a ballroom dancing competition in May.

London

Bridge is not falling down. Fortunately. Especially since we drove on it. England is definitely one of the places I would like to re-visit.

The traffic was crazy and I would prefer to explore it by foot, but it was wonderful of Nana to take us around in her van. Nana was an exchange student (from Japan) we had when I was in first grade who now lives in London. She is now a mother and her husband Chris was kind enough to watch the little one while she showed us around for two days. We went saw many of the traditional sights - Big Ben, the bridge, the parliament building, and also went to see Anthony and Cleopatra at the Globe theatre. Michelle and I got standing room tickets and were so close we could lean on the stage. When the servant committed suicide in the play, we go splashed with blood. It was exciting, and well worth standing for 3 hours. Mom, Michelle, and I stayed at a hotel that was really more like a backpackers - totally bare-bones furnishing and no phone in the room. Still, it was worth it.


We went to Stratford Upon Avon to see Shakespear's birthplace, which was also neat. They charged an excessively unreasonable amount to go inside the house, so we just looked from the outside. It seemed too touristy of an idea to me, but Mom and Michelle wanted to check out the gift shop, so I went in too. I got a collection of sayings/poems on love by Shakespear, but the item I found most amusing was an eraser with the saying "Out, out, damn spot" on it. Gotta love McBeth.


We also went to visit Warwick castle, which was over-the-top touristy, but had some interesting exhibits and shows, and the jousting was fun to watch. I can never complain about watching knights ride around on beautiful horses.

Gibraltar

It is embarrassing how long it is taking me to finish this trip record. I need to be better about this. Sigh.

Anyhow, our last stop was Gibraltar, and the most fascinating parts to me were the monkeys and the view of Africa (Morocco, to be exact). Gibraltar has been strategically important in a military sense because of its location at the mouth of the Mediterranean, so it has an interesting history, which I have largely forgotten. It probably would have bored most of you anyway. To put it shortly, it has been occupied by many different cultures/countries over the years. It was the Moors (Arabs) who brought the monkeys over.

It was awesome to see Africa, it made me want to go there. I think I'm most interested in the Middle-eastern countries because the culture and the history fascinates me. It doesn't seem like the best area to visit right now, though. Maybe some day that will change.

So, about the monkeys. They are technically "wild," in that they don't belong to anyone, but they are incredibly tame around people. Why? Because tourists feed them. And if you don't feed them, they take your food. I watched them steal a candy bar from a teenage boy who ignored our tour guides warning not to carry anything in a plastic bag that rustled (the monkeys tore it out of his hands). My cousins saw a monkey climb up a little girl, grab her ice cream cone, and run off with it. Talk about taking any means to get your sugar fix.

Rome

This excursion in Italy was one of my favorites. We saw the coliseum, passed the roman forum, and went to see the Vatican and its museum. It was awesome to see the coliseum after having read about it in history books for so many years. When you just read about a place, its hard to imagine it actually existing - it starts to seem almost imaginary. To see the actual place makes you start to see on a deeper level that the people who lived there thousands of years ago were real people with the same problems, hopes, ambitions, and fears as people today. Their lives were just as tangible and just as important as ours today. They went to the market, went to see shows, ate dinner with their families, paid taxes, etc. I must admit though, their idea of entertainment is a bit gruesome to me.



In visiting the Vatican, it struck me how meaningful that particular place is to so many thousands of people. Although I'm not Catholic, Frank is, so I tried to see it as he would for him. I've always been interested by religion in general. Devoted individuals of any faith fascinate me. I want to know where their conviction comes from, how they keep it alive, and how they find the unselfishness to live their lives in devotion to a higher power.

France

In France, we decided to skip out on the excursions and relax on the beach of Cannes. It was nice to hang out with the extended family, do a little shopping, and bask in the sun. Cannes is a resort town, so it didn't interest me that much for any historical reason, and I didn't mind skipping the opportunity to learn more about it. Sometimes family has to come first. :-)


My cousin Meagan and Bear (with the ship in the background)


Bear and I at a park in Cannes

Spain and Portugal

The first two stops on the cruise were Spain and Portugal. They were quite similar in some respects, but we spent so little time in each that I feel I have little basis for comparison. Our very first stop was Vigo, Spain, a port-town that has remained a fishing village for thousands of years.

Pretty statue of the Spanish wild horses

The men go out to fish, and the women stay home and grow crops - not on what we think of as farms, though, the land is too scarce. They grow their food in their own backyard. Their own livestock too. I'm trying to picture what the neighbors would have said if we'd tried to swing that one (honestly, he's just a really big spotted dog, I swear......). And their properties are hardly half the size of the whitebread suburban americans' yard. They store their corn and grain in interesting temple-shaped structures that show a certain celtic influence.


I have nothing too much to relate about Portugal - we stopped at various monuments to Christopher Columbus and the "new world," saw a tower that was once used as a prison, and was then located in the middle of a river, and did a little shopping. Lisbon, where we stopped, is apparently the "sister city" of San Francisco, because the architect who designed the golden gate bridge also designed this one: I guess you'll have to visit it some time, Elizabeth. :-)
We also visited a museum with various interesting pieces of artwork from around the world.

Europe!!!!!!

This set of blog entries is to record my recent travels in Europe, including the cruise with my mom, sister, and extended family, and the brief stay in London. Grandma and grandpa ever so graciously and wonderfully paid for our way to go on the trip, which was a great way to have a family reunion. We cruised the Mediterranean, stopping at ports in Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, and Gibraltar. The ship was beautiful and very big - 14 stories tall with multiple swimming pools and entertainment areas.

A few photos of the ship:




Frank was not able to come with me, so I kidnapped his teddy bear and took it with me instead. Frank the bear does not dance as well as Frank the boyfriend, but is very soft, cuddly, and squishable. He also fits much better into my suitcase.

On the nature of the Greens

While working on my paper and looking into potential graduate programs, I've been doing a lot of reading on environmental ethics. One interesting (and I feel rather telling) point I have noticed is that the so called "deep ecologists" (the guys who go out and attack whaling ships and lie down in front of bulldozers and put metal spikes in trees to break logging equipment) seem to have a bit of trouble finding jobs at universities. ;-)

Before the articles written by more mainstream thinkers, there are happy little paragraphs listing all their credentials and prestigious universities where they work. For the deep ecologists, their paragraphs look more like this:

"Jerry Smith has written several books on the evils of modern society and technology, including "Why We Should Ban Cars, Planes, and All Modes of Transportation," "Democracy's War on Nature," and "Let the Chickens Run Free." He lives by himself in a cabin in the Adirondacks. [We're not exactly sure where, because he's currently hiding from the U.S. government for burning down an animal testing facility]."

This, of course, is a slight exaggeration, but a surprising number of the radicals do seem to live out in cabins by themselves. I wonder why......

More adventures

Once again, I have been remiss in my posting responsibilities. Most recently, I have been studying like mad to take the GRE, working on a philosophy paper analyzing a critique of anti-anthropocentric and biocentric ethics, and attempting not to burn down the dorm with my cooking experiments.

Oh, and I found my first FRCDS (the school where I'm working) four-leaf-clover. That was fun - I thought I was losing my knack for finding them.

On the weekends, I've been hanging out with Frank. Our recent activities have included going on a lunch cruise on Lake Michigan, taking a water taxi on the Chicago river, briefly experiencing Taste of Chicago, a trip to Shedd Aquarium, and dancing in the park in the city. Photos from the river taxi (courtesy of Frank)



Oh, and the Illinois Railway Museum. First, I went a few weeks ago when Frank was driving a train that was in operation back in the 50's. I got to ride up in the engine with him, which was fun. Trains are a lot more complicated to operate than cars.

Frank at the "wheel" of "old clunker"

Me at the controls (scaryness)

These last two weekends, we've been going to the museum to work on the train Frank adopted (well, he and one or two other guys are the caretakers of it). It was a bit dirty, so we had to make it all spiffy for when it will be running again. Trains take a lot of time and effort to clean. :-) Still, it's fun to help with Frank's projects.

------Too sexy...... -----------------On top of old clunker ------

------In his element-------------- Old clunker's checkup----

The Wisconsin Dells

Frank, his dad, and Annett (his dad's fiance) invited me along on their annual trip to the Wisconsin Dells. It was great fun. Not only did I enjoy spending time with Frank (as always), it was also cool to talk with his dad and Annett on the drive and get to know them better. We stayed at a hotel with a waterpark, which was most excellent, though I have to admit that the 6ft waves in the wave pool were a bit much for me at the beginning. We went on a fun boat ride in the upper Dells, and got to see some really cool rock formations and pools (we wish we brought the camera for that part). We also went horseback riding - a first for Frank. He did very well, and even tried cantering (which is faster than trotting but much smoother). It was nice to be around horses again, and we were able to share the experience with Frank's dad and Annett afterwards (though they didn't appreciate the barn smell we shared with them on the drive home). ;-)

Even the long drive was fun, especially with a camera. After all, no road trip would be complete
without the "trippy" car photos.

Long time no post

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Somehow the time just seems to slip away. I've been spending most of my weekends with Frank, which is awesome - it makes them like mini vacations.

A few updates - I will be at the Fox River Country Day School again next year as a teacher's assistant, and I will be living in the dorm again. I'm staying in the dorm this summer, helping with summer session, and taking some evening classes at Northwestern. I'm preparing for the GRE and hoping to take it and apply to doctoral programs in Philosophy in the fall.

Frank has been awesome in helping me feel less isolated from my friends and family - it's great when your boyfriend can also be your best friend. We've been having lots of fun - dancing, walking in parks, going to movies, going out in a boat on the lake behind Frank's house, we even went to an arts and crafts fair and glazed a pot together (it was funny sitting there waiting for an hour for it to come out of the kiln and wondering what it would look like - or if it would even come out in one piece. It turned out pretty well, all things considered). Most of all, its fun to just hang out, to talk, and to be with someone I can totally trust, who understands me and loves the good in me.

Ms. Crystal's Dixie Cup Greenhouse

Two weeks ago, I had the kids plant grass seeds in Dixie cups to grow and take home. At the end of the first week, there were no signs of sprouting in any of the over 70 cups. Meanwhile, the kids asked every time they saw me: "Ms. Crystal, have our flowers sprouted yet?" (I don't think they really grasped the concept that grass seeds don't grow into flowers).

So, last Saturday, in desperation, I planted (by hand) birdseed in all of the cups, hoping that it would sprout.
On Monday, I noticed that the grass was sprouting. By Thursday, it was getting tall, and the sunflower seeds were sprouting as well. I have to water over 70 Dixie cups every day now. I feel like I'm running a greenhouse out of my classroom.

Joke's on Me

I thought it would be fun, on April Fools day, to prank Frank's room. I put colored sticky-notes with random messages all over his room. I even put them on his mirrors and in his drawers. He left them up - for almost a week. I told him that defeated the purpose of the prank. He said: "They make me smile when I wake up in the morning and see them." He's so cute.

Never Hug a Cactus

I had quite a lovely time visiting with Grandma and Grandpa in Arizona - it was great to visit, play cards, see some of the local sites, explore a cave, and catch some sunbeams (it was in the 70's and 80's for much of my trip). I must say, though, that I think I've seen enough of the gameshow Jeopardy to last me about 10 years.

I must also note that tree huggers and cacti don't mix well, for obvious reasons. Actually, to be honest, cacti are succulents, not trees. Of course there are also palm trees in Arizona, but I've never really been a fan of them. However, baby palm trees are pretty darn cute - they look like giant pineapples. It's a good thing I don't carry a machete with me, or I might have been tempted to take a slice out of one in a neighboring yard. Of course, there are also lots of other good reasons I don't carry machete's on me.

Now the much awaited list:

You Know You are in Arizona When:

• The "greenery" comes in four shades: olive, khaki, dusty red, and brown.
• The flow of traffic goes 35 mph when the speed limit is 45. (It's not congested, it's just retirement age).
• A resident remarks: "You're lucky you missed our cold spell in early March [temperatures were in the 50's]."
• Your grandmother says: "It's just been so dry here this spring - I'm not sure the poor cacti will make it."
• You pass a deer crossing sign with a bullet hole through it where the deer's heart would be.
• The Chinese restaurant is located in a Mexican-style adobe building (it was painted pink).

Little Dragon

Another little chap (3 years old) initiated the following conversation with me the other day. As is typical with the age group, the conversation began in the most random of ways.

Him: "Miss Crystal, did you know I'm turning into a dragon?"
(or as he pronounced it: M' Crisal, di ju' noh i' turnin' indoo a dwaguh?)

Me: "Oh, can you breathe fire yet?"

Him: "Yeah, the dwaguh is comin' out of my mouf [mouth, for those of you who don't speak 3-year-old]."

Him, a few minutes later: "M' Crisal, di ju' know I'm growin' a tail ou' of my butt?"

How do you respond to something like that?

My Valentine and Me

Yes, the title actually is grammatically correct.

Little Car

Today, as I was driving to dance class, my car started making a noise. I didn't like it. It sounded like a cross between crickets and nails being scratched across a blackboard, but quietly. It wasn't terribly loud, so I figured maybe it'd go away. I'd wait and see.

This is my general strategy for dealing with unexpected and odd automotive behavior. Pretend I don't notice it, and maybe it'll stop. It's similar to a popular strategy for dealing with pouting 3-year-olds.

It didn't stop. I began to reason with my car. "Now, little car, you are going to make mommy upset, and that's not nice." It didn't appear to care. "Little car," I pleaded, "I just took you to the mechanic a few months ago and spent hundreds of dollars on you. Besides, if I had to take you in, mommy would get lonely without you [not to mentioned bored, stuck in one place]." The chirping continued.

Then, Kathwump! we hit a bump in the road. The chirping stopped for good. The jolt had somehow "fixed" it. "Little car, you are teaching mommy bad things." The "just kick it and it will work again" theory has been largely acknowledged to be detrimental when applied to such entities as laptops and small children.

The little amusements

This is one of the times I wish I could do drawings for a blog like I can in my journal. Yesterday, as I was walking with the kids up from the playground to the main building, I noticed some paper scraps along the path and remembered with a guilty feeling that I had forgotten to clean up after the project from the week before. (We had cut out heart shapes from paper plates and covered them with peanut butter and birdseed, then hung them on bushes for the wildlife to enjoy.) However, the paper hearts had been left behind by the birds (as I had expected), and were lying crumpled and ripped on the ground - a rather messy sight. As I was noticing this, a squirrel caught my eye. He was doing the pause thing they do, with his paws tucked up against his chest, and in his mouth was a huge paper heart. It was almost as tall as he was, and twice as wide. He stared at me, then went leaping frantically toward a tree and scrambled up it, flicking his tail back and forth angrily at me.

It was quite a sight, though not as hilariously funny as watching Ms. Mack get chased by a squirrel (literally) earlier this winter. Now that was something to behold, especially when the headmaster's dog, Scout, came running out of the main building and chased the squirrel up a tree, rescuing Ms. Mack from her diminutive aggressor. What made it even more amusing was that the headmaster came out of the building right after his dog and saw the whole thing. He told me later that one time as he was standing near the building, a baby squirrel rushed at him and attempted to climb his pant leg (maybe thinking that he was a tree). Actually, who knows what squirrels think, especially the ones around here.

A few conversations I just must document with a certain young fellow (4 years old):

I was sitting at lunch duty with the preschoolers waiting for the other teacher to arrive. I wasn't eating, because there isn't enough time for me to eat right then, and I have my own lunch later.

Him: "Ms. Crystal, why aren't you eating?"
Me: "There isn't enough time."
Him: "You can have some of my time. My mommy owns my time. I don't eat all my time."

The next day, during an art project

Him: "Ms. Crystal, my brain is still asleep."
Me: "If your brain were asleep, you wouldn't be talking or thinking the way you are right now - you would be dreaming."
Him: "I am dreaming about you right now, Ms. Crystal. I like you."

This is the same little fellow who, as I was reading a story to the class, started rubbing his head against my leg and drooling on me. Who does that? Gotta love little kids.

Apologies

I have not been writing faithfully as I promised I would. As I said, it sort of defeats the purpose of a journal to have an online journal. I generally don't feel like I can put my inner thoughts and feelings out onto the web (or that I should). It's the sort of thing that I delight in sharing with friends face to face, or even over the phone, but cannot to the faceless void of the internet.

Anyway, a few general updates - I have a boyfriend now! His name is Frank, and he is absolutely amazing. We met at a dance, got to know eachother through dance classes, became dance partners, then became more. :-) Anyway, he's awesome - sweet, smart, funny, considerate, and a great dancer. It's great to have someone to hang out with who shares my interests and values. Well, I could babble on forever about how great he is, so I'd better stop, but anyway, you get the picture. :-)

Work has been greatly improving for me, largely because I feel like I better know how to cope with the challenges that arise in working with kids, and I also have a clearer sense of the expectations of my employers. As long as I know what is being asked of me, and I feel capable of fulfilling it, I think I would be happy in almost any job. Well, perhaps I should amend that to: any job that serves a good purpose and has me working with people of strong character and good hearts (which this one does).

I'm still not sure what the future will bring, but I'm thinking of staying in the Chicago area for a little while longer, if I can, and then hopefully applying to a graduate program in Philosophy. We'll see what happens. I'm sure God will direct.

By the way, if you hadn't figured this one out, the picture is of me and Frank dancing at an upscale latin-dancing nightclub.

Crystal